When I can't sleep at night, I often think about what I want to do in my life and what I have to do. I think about how I work hard my whole life just to have a place to live, and it makes me feel sad and think that my life is not worth it. At this time, I want to find something that is worth my lifelong effort. I can call this thing a career. A career is different from a job. Most people only have a job and not a career. Most jobs are not worth considering as a career. If I have to find something to be my career, I would rather choose from my hobbies. Work is just a tool and means of making a living for me. It is not worth my lifelong effort and hard work.
Most people spend their whole lives working hard to pay off their mortgages and raise their children. Do they have the energy and time to do anything else? Does this kind of life have any meaning? Is this kind of life worth living? Besides paying off mortgages and supporting their families, is there any other path they can take?
Unfortunately, most people don't have any other choices. They can only silently endure this kind of life, just like slaves. If you want to make this slave-like life bearable, there are two ways: either fall in love with your job and turn it into enjoyment, or if you can't do that, find an easy job to support yourself and use your spare time to do what you love.
I'm afraid I can't do the first one, so I plan to do the second one.
My ideal job used to be a forest ranger in the mountains, isolated from the bustling world. Because I would live in the mountains, I wouldn't need to pay off a mortgage, and I would have plenty of free time every day. I could study mathematics in the morning, write programs in the afternoon, and listen to music and write novels in the evening. Every day would be a new and enjoyable day.
However, this kind of life is difficult to achieve. Leaving aside other factors, is it easy to become a forest ranger? Is this position prepared for me? So the reality is that, in order to survive, I have to immerse myself in this cruel jungle society, being exploited by others, unable to afford a house or support children, and living a wretched life.
The only consolation may be that, in the midst of daily work, I can immerse myself in the things I love, temporarily forgetting about time, forgetting about my own existence, and forgetting about the hardships of life and the pain in life. These are brief moments of happiness in life. Even in the daily immersion and dedication to the things I love, there is hope and sprouting to break free from the predicament of life.